A Season of Abundance

(Author –  Scratch)

Christmas with the family.  It’s done some interesting things to my mind.  They’re conservative Mormon-types that don’t want to hear a whole lot of details about my life, particularly the pervy ones.  I wish I could share the kinky joys I’ve experienced as of late, but they’ll never “get” it, let alone support it.  Still, I don’t have much I should be complaining about these days; Mom and Dad are very loving supportive people, despite their doctrinal misgivings around my homosexual “lifestyle.”  (What little they know.)

It’s this holiday in particular, however, that has me considering the privileges and opportunities that seem to be falling at my feet.  I count my blessings. A strange phrase for an atheist, but you get what I mean.

The most notable is the new Daddy/boy relationship I’ve entered into. Daddy Ed and I met at a Black Leather Wings party back in May, saw each other every so often at similar kink-related events since, and quickly developed an affinity for one another. It was only a few weeks ago when I asked of his interest in exploring this D/b dynamic, and already I feel like we’ve been together for months.

Daddy Ed is a Sacred Intimate, a profession that has held my curiosity for years. He utilizes massage and other hands-on modalities, like those taught in the Body Electric school, to assist men with their erotic lives. He’s a natural healer and a very sweet person that I immediately felt I could trust — a feeling that’s more difficult for me to experience as I get older.

A couple weeks ago, Daddy and I went up into a cabin on the California side of the Sierra Nevadas, set up his sling, and spent two days exploring each others bodies and hearts. It was in that serene setting that I was opened up for the first time, almost getting his big mitt into my butt. It was a long, slow, sensual process that invigorated a sense of pride in my sexual curiosity.

Daddy also has been supporting me as a mentor, assisting me with the development of my website, guiding me through the ins and outs of an online presence — something I am terribly under-skilled at.

I’ve been doted upon, showered with love and attention and wisdom… and I often feel as though I’ll never be able to repay him in kind. But, I understand that remuneration isn’t the point of a Daddy/boy relationship; he finds value in the love and attention I do offer him.

I have many, many good things on their way in the coming weeks and months, most of them made possible by Daddy’s love, insight and generosity. Expectedly, my relationship with him will be a prominent subject in my writings to come, much like Miss Grey was during my initiation into BDSM. Thank you Daddy for making my website possible and for guiding and mentoring me in these uncertain times. You mean more to me than I can express.

***

Relatedly, I had the fortune to spend a lovely day and a half with Miss Grey during my holiday trip home to Salt Lake/Ogden.  In some ways it felt as if I hadn’t ever left; everything and everyone seemed to still be pretty much the same.  But there was a palpable sense of success and excitement that Miss Grey and I shared with one another, celebrating our lives over the last year.  I’ll share more of those details in future posts as they develop, but in brief:

I’ve been working at Mr S Leather as a leather craftsman, learning how to construct and care for high-value gear.  It’s been a beautiful and very rewarding experience!

In addition, I’ve had the occasional shoot with Kink.com for their Bound in Public, Divine Bitches and TS Seduction sub-sites.  I’m no “star” by any means.  Good money and great insight into an aspect of media production that I never thought I’d be participating in.  Finally, though, I can legitimately say that my film studies and production experience is being put to good use!

Much love!

What it is.

Sometimes all I can do is shake my head.

Bluebird…

So for some undetermined reason this is year is turning into the year I am determined to end my addictions and am actively practicing personal behavior modification. I suppose the ‘reason’ is undetermined in large part because it isn’t just a reason it’s ‘reasons’. Very plural. Many reasons the time is now. There are a great many things about my life that I have found wanting, ‘Until Now’.

You see it recently occurred to me that there is nothing in this world, in this Universe, that anyone else can give me that I don’t have to first give myself. I also, somewhere along the way, started thinking of my life as being akin to a car, specifically my car: it’s ultimately my responsibility to drive it and no one else can drive it but me. Subjectivity and all. And too true that no one cares as much about your issues as you do.

After being much absorbed by Occupy I began looking at ways in which I might stop contributing to the problems and issues brought to me by Occupy (and the number 11). The list of actions which follow an interpretive dance number that I’m going to call ‘Occupational Hazards’.

I stopped banking with Chase (why was I with Chase? mostly because like many others I was complacent when they took over the world and bought out my bank) and instead opened a Savings account at a local credit union.

I spoke to each of my credit card account holders and asked them to lower my interest, one of them worked with me and lowered the interest to 12.99% the other wouldn’t so I boycotted paying them until they gave me a balance liquidation plan with a 6.99% interest.

I got my free annual credit report and took care of any and all discrepancies and didn’t pay any one of the three credit reporting agencies for “My Credit Score”. (Like its some sort of video game score or something. Who cares).

I researched internet provider alternatives to Comcast. Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to get affordable internet? And internet  only mind you? After an hour and a half with numbers, figures, and other provider rates as evidence was able to badger Comcast into lowering my payment by ten dollars. I’m saving that ten dollars a month to pay for the cost of changing to a local internet provider who has excellent customer service and locked in prices.

Am I boring you yet? The list goes on. Like a book-of-days I could list off item after item. Let’s not. It was sufficient drudgery the first time round. I’ll leave it at: I’ve changed the ways in which I do business.

Oh, except to add that I read on my credit union’s site about ways in which to save money… did you know that it costs 6x’s (times, six of them!) less to make your food from scratch? I would say most of life is like that. Do it for yourself, knock the middle man out of your life: it’ll cost you less and get you better results and if you don’t get better results you’ve only got yourself to blame. Words to live by.

On a personal note and perhaps, though unlikely, less preachy. I’m giving up or changing one habit or behavior every month. November I gave up smoking. ‘Gave up’ makes it sound easy. And I guess for the most part it has been. Once I got cigarettes into the no-longer-an-option-so-suck-it-up-and-press-on category it was easier to sit in the suffering, to purge and feel the pain of letting go. ‘Adapt and overcome’. Makes me smile. I’ve always had a fondness for military sayings. I especially like ‘pain is weakness leaving the body’ (the marines just in case you were wondering).

This month it’s alcohol. The no-drinking-thing started out as difficult in some ways as smoking was. Drinking is more socially acceptable in more places and under more circumstances. I am, however, making headway on this one too. And think I’ll have consumption mostly eliminated by the end of the month. Discipline and moderation, not to mention it’s been an interesting exercise in putting my behavior modification knowledge to the test and see if girl got skills.

I think the tool I’ve found most useful so far is a notebook I use as a time allocation and consumption log. In other words: what I spend my time on and what I’m consuming. Makes it a lot easier for me to see my patterns and address the realities of my life whatever and however they might be. The log helps me stay honest with myself if that makes any sense.

Part of this recent need for clarity and understanding has lead me to doing a liver cleanse along with all the other changes going on. I’m even considering doing ‘colon hydrotherapy’ for the first time in my life. See if there’s anything to that. Why not?

It’s not that I’m trying to overhaul my life it’s more that I’m tired and continuing to do those things that have gotten me nowhere and sometimes there with less than nothing is no longer an option.

What We Gained in the Fire…

Journey.

Humans need fantasy to be Human; to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.      –Terry Pratchet.

 The Long Voyage…

I Believe In You…  

Endless Dream… 

There seems to be a small navigation issue happening with the site. Please excuse the inconvenience I’m doing what I can to get it sorted out. If you need to contact me, Miss Raven Grey, I can be reached via email missravengrey@hushmail.com. I’ll post more later just wanting to apologize for the confusion.