Born Kinky.

A few weeks ago I was asked a question from a caller. A pastor by profession who felt a deep need to be in submission to a dominant female. He wanted to know, “why am I this way?” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked, I’d have a closet full of custom made fetish clothing.

Why are we kinky? Why do we feel the things we do? Why do we have these ‘strange’ desires?

Before positing any theories, or providing any explanations, I think it’s important to keep in mind that being ‘kinky’ is nothing new. BDSM has been around for as long as… well… a really really long time. The truth is there is nothing ‘strange’ about our desires, nothing aberrant in our behavior. By this I mean that most societies, throughout time, have ways in which ‘deviance’ is socially sanctioned if not necessarily acceptable.

Why are any of us the way we are? The nature vs nurture debate has been raging for decades, and the study of DNA provides a lot of evidence in favor of nature. Simply put we were born this way. Our up-bringing and culture do make an impact, but I would say the Desire is there at conception and everything else is window dressing.

Example: the ideal female form, feminine beauty, has always existed but the details change depending on the times. Renaissance europe; chubby and curvy. Modern america; anorexic and big tits.

No Reason.

Alright, I haven’t done so well on the writing everyday. I get stuck. Stuck in what I couldn’t tell you. Inertia. I guess. Habit. Likely.

I do things, and accomplish stuff. For instance this year, all 41 days of it, I’ve read 23 books, crocheted 2 scarfs and half a queen sized blanket, conducted 9 training sessions, made 7 pounds of carmel, smoked 6 cigarettes a day… and a partridge in a pear tree. I won’t bore you with listing off last years achievements.

The truth is with as much as I do, I don’t really feel like I’m getting anywhere, or ironically, that I’m doing anything. Just existing,or surviving, has never ¬†satisfied me. It seems to me as of late that I’m just existing. So again I have to ask myself, what does it take for me to ‘feel’ accomplished?

I’ve heard said, “Desire can never be satisfied because it is a desire to desire”.¬†The trouble with gratifying one’s desires is that we will, in turn, only desire more. Satisfaction is fleeting at best. Perhaps the best we can hope for is contentment. Content with desire itself rather than obtaining the object of desire? I don’t know. Typing out my ass I guess.

I’m not unhappy. I’m not unfulfilled. But neither am I happy or fulfilled. It’s the tail end of winter, always a drag, and perhaps a good part of the doldrums I’m experiencing is lack of sunshine and warmth.

Funny thing, as the day goes on, my mood is improving. Which reminds me that ‘feelings’ don’t always have anything to do with reality. Sometimes they just are. And have nothing to do with logic or reason.