योग… The Practice

(Author: Scratch)

Now that you’ve gotten a sense for what I do for Miss Grey whenever I’m over at Her place, let me give you an idea of what I do that makes my devotion to Her a 24/7 kind of thing, even at home. There’s too much to cover in one sitting, so I’ll give you an introduction.

At the start of our relationship, Miss Grey had me clean my apartment, top-to-bottom: clean the bathroom floor with a toothbrush, wipe the dust off the floorboards and shelves… basically a deep clean.  Within minutes of starting that whole process, I felt an overwhelming sense of ownership and pride for every square inch of that tile floor – a feeling I had lost touch with years ago.

That same feeling has now extended into nearly every aspect of my life as a result of applying that newly rediscovered self-respect.  Think of it as an on-going exercise assigned by Miss Grey; it’s all yoga.

The word yoga is derived from the Sanskrit root “yuj”, meaning “to control”, “to yoke” or “to unite.”  As a collared submissive to Miss Grey, the yoga of making my bed in the mornings, the yoga of polishing my boots, the yoga of meditation and, specifically, ashtanga yoga are all ways that I can express and deepen my devotion to my Teacher, as well as to the inner Master.

It is particularly through ashtanga yoga that I have experienced some profound shifts in perception and growth as part of the stretching of each pose (a word I use broadly) causes me to experience – sometimes painfully.

A section from the book I’m reading, entitled “Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics” has given me some context to appreciate this even more:

“…the Western tradition has few role models for those going through the turmoils of inner growth, even though common sense tells us that whenever anyone extends themselves into the farther reaches of his own awareness, awakening to what is deepest and most sacred within… he may suffer unexplainable stress.

Extension stress… can be compared with the stresses suffered by those rare, unusual Olympic athletes who push their minds and bodies to the outer limits so that their physical performances can reach new heights. With such goals they must convince themselves that their body can do what they demand. The person who desires self-transcendence – who spends long hours in meditation, reflection, prayer about issues that bring psychic rebirth – faces a good deal of pain. This pain might come from any number of sources: from the opening of inner sensibilities and reflecting on an entire life (including the refinement of habits, behaviors, relationships with others) and from letting go… of culturally-ingrained ideas, possessions, aspirations. Letting go is a loss, and all loss carries with it grief work, stresses which take a long time to work through, questions about our choices and actions.”

Now, I would hardly call scrubbing the oven range “painful.” It certainly pushed my comfort levels in many ways, but is nowhere near as uncomfortable as the experience of positive re-evaluation of the Self. It is exactly that work – that internal stretching, surrender and release of ego that is at the core of everything Miss Grey has me do, whether at my home or Hers.

Once you’ve been able to reach into some of the deepest recesses of your Self, you’ll see things in an entirely new light. Give it a try. You’ll be just as pleased with the results as I have been. I’m not reaching the “limits” quite yet… but I’m building a strong foundation, a strong core that will make just such a reach possible. It’s been amazing.

A Little Something.

It’s been a long time since I’ve given you something of substance. I’ve been keeping to myself a lot lately. Percolating, I guess. There’s been quite a bit going on and I haven’t felt like writing. But it’s a quiet sunday afternoon and I really don’t have any excuses.

What have I been up to?

Taking pictures. Thinking about the Project.

There’s been a number of catalytic… things occurring. Feeding my creativity.

The first flower to appear in my garden.

Isn’t it pretty?

I’ve been killing the last of winter with finishing up a quilting project, and am now teaching myself how to crochet. Five scarfs, and half and an afghan later; I know the first five basic stitches.

Here’s scratch winding some yarn for Me.

Not only was it my birthday week, but it was also very busy. Sessions scattered throughout. In other words I got a lot of play time.

One of My favorite games:

Pretty poly anna, sorting My coin container. A half a handful at a time, by denomination, piles three feet apart, crawling from pile to pile, cock and balls covered in cloths pins, while I prod her along with spanks from a wooden kitchen spoon. Stingy.

Some Thing To Be Done.

It’s about eight in the evening. My face is done, cosmetics on. Hair up. Long flowing dress…. Waiting.

For a client.

He’s late. Likely hood of him showing for his appointment? Anyone’s call at this point. So I’ve decided to take some time to write.

It was my birthday monday.

So it’s been a birthday week.

Goodness he called. Guess I’ll be playing tonight after all. Yay!

I turned 33, cause I know you’re wondering.

Nothing to be done…

(author: Scratch)

… is the opening line of the classic play, “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett.

When friends ask me what I do for Miss Grey, I like to think that I would be able to supply a comparable nugget of wisdom in response. I am many things for Miss Grey: I’m Her retainer, houseboy, “gopher,” but primarily I’m Her student. In O/our work together, I do lots and I love what I do.

On a typical day I will… Make Miss Grey’s tea. Run Her errands. Vacuum the floor. Play Gin-rummy with Her. Fetch Her cigarettes. Wash Her dishes. Take Annie for a walk. Clean Her bathroom. (Miss Grey’s… not Annie’s) Make Her bed. Fold her clothes.

Being given very clear, specific tasks to accomplish provides me with activities that become meditative, grounding and immediately satisfying.

Some Buddhist monks will do something called “kinhin,” which is really just walking around the zendo in very… slow… steps. Simple tasks become the path to enlightenment.  And that’s what Miss Grey gives me to do. Simple, everyday things that transfer very well into my own homelife.

In O/our relationship, I’m not to “think”, but to feel. As a result, I’m learning that thinking, like any form of power, is best used when it’s constructive. Why spend my cognitive energy on self-judgment when it can be sublimated, re-directed into worthwhile projects and self-care?

Really, who needs the kind of craziness and neurotic fear that I allow to roll around in my head? If that’s the “thinking” I’m doing, it’s a very good idea for me to sit this one out, take a breather.

My work is simple… so simple it’s easy to forget how incredibly valuable it is.  I do get caught up in thinking that I’m not going fast enough, I’m not learning enough.  And most often, the best thing in the world for me, when I get into such a state, is to go get the dishes done.

Liberation is the direct result of surrender. I’ve learned that through surrendering to the tasks, direction and protocol that Miss Grey gives to me, I become a much more grounded, levelheaded man.  It’s a slow process, but that’s the nature of being:  a seed doesn’t “think” about sprouting, it just sprouts.  Doing without doing.

I highly recommend it.