Green Eyed Monster.

The specter of jealousy… such an interesting, and destructive thing.

Don’t give into the Sinking Feeling.

Hi… I’m Scratch

It’s a little intimidating: how do I start my first entry into the Kink Project? Even more difficult: can I even express in words just how transformative Miss Grey has been to my life?

Well, I first met Miss Grey this last June (2009) and the timing couldn’t have been better. I had spent the previous two months reeling over a relationship gone bad, graduating from college without any real professional prospects and was ready to jump ship. My life was in severe need of direction and grounding.

Up to this point, I had only cursorily explored kink and BDSM during late-night perusals of Wikipedia entries and image searches. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all, but I was deeply curious. I wondered what knowledge was to be discovered by such a path.

One of the greatest images in my memory from our first meeting was of Miss Grey overlooking her backyard garden, idly smoking a cigarette and tending to three plastic buckets filled with hemp rope soaking in water.
“I take a very Zen-minded approach to things.” She volunteered during our early negotiations. “I’ll expect you to ‘go with the flow’ and follow my lead.”

How could I not?

Very quickly, I became enamored with Miss Grey; her firm hand and attentive nature had me surrendering very quickly… despite forgetting to put the toilet seat down on countless occasions.

Over these last eight months, Miss Grey has guided my growth and development in a very holistic way: I’ve developed a healthy self-image through regular yoga practice (Ashtanga Yoga), surrendered self-judgment and suicidal ideation, become aware of my personal boundaries in relationships and re-discovered a healthy expression of love. As a submissive, I’ve discovered a tremendous internal strength when I surrender my power to another who will honor that gift – and I’m better equipped to recognize those who will do just that.

One of Miss Grey’s workout t-shirts reads: “Suffering Is Optional.” Yes, it is. And now I know better.

Thank you, Ma’am… may I have some more?

Today’s Songs.

More Than This.

Communication.

You’re the Storm.

Montage.

The soundtrack of my day.

A Month and Two Days.

It’s been a good month so far, getting lots accomplished, having some really good conversations, and in general planning good things in the coming year. Those photos from Tom Thompson should be finishing post production and prints will be available for $88. It will be interested in how many will be interested in this collectors type situation. Sort of modern day Betty Page sort of stuff.

I’ve recently added some photos taken by an amateur photographer friend of mine. And they are recent pictures which is even better.

Let’s see, other news, new toys keep flooding in everyday. Love all the equipment that’s become available the past few years. Goodness. And thank goodness for having people interested in equipping me, which makes it possible to be all that I can be. Go Army! Or Boy Scouts! Yay, anyone who likes to be prepared.

I’m prepared… for spring. Have sprouts germinating inside, a few seeds planted outside. The garden is going to explode this year.

The Project will be expanding… have a few friends who are going to start contributing to the blog. I’m also going to start including articles, book reviews, stories, and other goodies to the online art project we’ve got going on here.

Speaking of books I got a book in today from my amazon wish list… Fetish: Fashion, Sex & Power. by Valerie Steel. Can’t tell you how excited I am to read…  look for a book review of some fashion in the next month or so.

Other news, Owl is going to start looking for her own place. We’ve had numerous talks about growing up and establishing one’s Self as an adult. And she’s ready to take on the mantle of her life. I’m not sure how quickly all of these changes are going to take place but just keeping us all updated.

I’m still seeing Mr. Compatible. A month and two days to be exact.

Ummm… what else? My life coaching may be ready to go to the next level. Expanding my client base.

Guess that’s about it in the hour I’ve given my Self to write. My attempt at writing more often.

Done with Being Needled.

Early Valentine.

Al-righty, been a long time and there’s a lot to cover.

The light is lasting longer and I’m starting to come out of winter hibernation. Everything in the house is looking dirty and desperately in need of cleaning and rearranging. Spring is here, my bulbs are starting to come up, the crocus, tulips, daffodils, and hyacinths. The poppy is looking fresh and green, despite the snow. I bought seeds for peas and radishes… sorry I do get carried away by my garden.

One of our cats went missing in the winter. Owl is just now starting to come out of the grief of that loss. She’s started working as a chief, again. And enjoying the structure working provides. With more money coming into the household it should be easier to breathe. I hope.

As you know I’ve been trying out the dating thing.

The unexpected has happened, and I’ve met someone with whom I’m compatible.

Things have been proceeding at a more than brisk pace. Too fast I think, for the comfort of both ourselves and family members and friends, watching on. In defense of the possible break neck speed: it’s been exhilarating. And I have the impression that my beau is a bit of an adrenalin junky, as am I. Sometimes it’s nice to say fuck it, I’m going to go for it, I’ve been practicing long enough, I know I can make this jump. You know what I mean?

I’ve been thru a lot of shit in my life and one of the things I’ve learned is how to listen to my Self.

Sure I know falling in love quickly is a risk.

There’s a lot you can’t know about a person until you’ve spent lots of time with them and know which of their characteristics are dominant and which are not. Only time will give you the assurance of consistency. Consistency is key. Until you know they are consistent in their compassion you are risking great pain. And high risk stakes, don’t forget the costs involved in taking short cuts. The entire foundation could be faulty. And you may not know until you’ve built the whole house.

I know this.

All I can say is I see things, and characteristics, in him that I find really attractive. I like him. I want to spend time with him. He gets me out the house. Up off my bottom. In the world for a bit. I need that sort of push. And there are other things I like about him as well. Open minded. Curious. There’s a great deal I get to share with him. I could go on and on. But for now I’m going to to call it good enough.