Hurry Up. And Wait.

Waiting for a client to arrive. Although W/we touched base earlier this afternoon he’s still about ten minutes late, which makes Me wonder… is he going to show. Am I a naughty professor for naught?

My dog is looking at Me longingly, her tail tentively wagging every time I look at her, beseeching with those puppy eyes, ‘please take Me for another walk’. And maybe I will but not in this corset and heels.

Twenty minutes late.

Sigh… this will be the fourth no show in as many days. To say I’m a little tired of lack of follow thru… sigh.

So what will I do with the rest of My day? Bake some zucchini bread. Do some quilting. Finish cleaning the kitchen. Get a hold of Mr. R. Knightly. Perhaps he’ll come over tonight and keep Me company while I bake.

A half an hour late.

I hate it when they don’t call to let Me know when plans change. It’s a waste of My time. And greats on My militaristic views on being late, let alone not showing. Perhaps the only thing I find more irritating is when someone texts to cancel plans, twenty minutes after they were to have arrived. Take the time to call.

All right, forty minutes late. Guess that’s that. Now what?

Called Mr. R. Knightly. He’s on his way over. Gave him some of My writing from a few years back. I’m curious to find out what he thinks of it. It will be a most enlightening conversation.

It’s a scorching day out there, he’s likely to be hot when he gets here.

I can’t wait.

Focus, Focus, Focus.

I’m listening to the dry scuttle of dead leaves being blown down the street. Wondering if summer is over already, then I realized with a shock, it’s almost September. Late summer, school’s in session. People are settling back into their work schedule after months of vacations, and family events. Those with money left over from our economic crunch that is.

I’m pondering life. The nature of relationships. The importance of context. The makeup and character of wealth… Not so much thinking. Just mulling over associations as they bubble up.

Had some random daydream about locking a man in a chastity device. A montage of images of him trying, and failing, to get himself free. Left a devilish grin on My face. A nice pick Me up, on saggy day.

I’ve been putting together My gifting list for the Project. It’s been amazingly difficult to sit down and focus on it. Some internal protest at receiving gifts? Or, just overwhelmed with what seems like an endless list of tasks? Perhaps if I redirect My attention for a bit, take a break from focusing on the list, everything might start flowing.

I haven’t had a houseboy for the past few days. I’ve had to attend to My own house cleaning. I realized how important doing these everyday maintenance things are, keeps Me tuned in to what’s going on around Me. There’s time to notice that the kitchen needs deep cleaning. It means I’ve become a little lax. Slack and sloppy.

I think one of the big mistakes that Doms make is to stop doing maintenance for themselves. Turning tasks over completely alienates us, keeps us from being aware of what our submissive is doing for us on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s simple to make assumptions about how our submissives time is spent. We fail to notice the time and energy expended for our sake.

It’s easy to lose one’s edge, becoming blunt without ever noticing.

Until the submissive leaves you that is. Then you can’t find your socks anymore. And where, oh where, did all the batteries go? The schedule falls apart. And you’re simultaneously left with too much free time, and not enough time at all.

The trick, I think, is not to mindlessly plug in the first thing that comes along. Though it’s tempting to patch the hole in your life as best you can, with what ever happens to be on hand. Instead take a little bit of time to reattach yourself to your life.

Start with the daily maintenance. Go back to the basics. Take time to get to know yourself, remember who you were pre-submissive. Remember all the good times with your submissive. Then take stock of who you are, post-submissive. Because trust Me on this one, you’ll have changed more than you realize.

Take a break between submissives. Make sure you’re not just feeding an addiction. All submissives are not created equal, trying to force them into being the right size plug for your life, so you can float merrily along, is only setting both of you up for failure. Try a little hardship on for a while; do for yourself for a change.

You’ll go into the next D/s relationship with a fresh eye. You’ll have opportunities to do things differently than before. You’ll know what worked in your last relationship and improve on those methods. You’ll be less likely to take advantage of your submissive. And more likely see the submissive as the wonderfully unique individual they are. Moreover, your expectations will be met with a higher level of success.

Having articulated all that… I’m going to go clean the kitchen.

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3.

Have you ever caught yourself testing a relationship?

For example: in Secretary, (the movie) there’s a lovely moment when Lee Hallowy, in a moment of genius and ingenuity, sends an earthworm to E. Edward Grey. It was also in that moment she did something so provocative and clear, so as to be very sure her message would be heard, and perhaps more importantly to be reacted to.

We all act out from time to time. We send worms. We drop off the face of the earth. Drop off the radar. Or start leaving the toilet seat up intentionally. Some times it’s playful and taken that way; and other times, the natural and logical consequences of our behavior are not so pleasant. Sometimes we want certain types of relationships and don’t know how to ask for it. To ask that things change in one-way, or another. Perhaps you know you’re ready to take life to the next level, but don’t have the means of expressing your self.

If you desire to be someone’s submissive: how do you go about presenting your interest to the potential Dominant? Do you just slip into the role, and hope they get the message? Do you write them a letter to tell them you’re ready? Do you get a peacock tail, and dance around the house, clockwise, until the Dominant notices something’s up?

I mean… really. What do you do?

It’s a mess, and this is only if you happen to be lucky enough to know a lifestyle Dominant.

Consider for a moment: the mess if you don’t know anyone? The mess if you decide to use the Internet, sites like alt and collarme, to place a personal add, and/or answer the adds of others?

And there, again, the challenge; how to present yourself. Do you immediately act subservient or Dominant? Giving titles, when you don’t know how the other person would prefer to be addressed?

Things in cyber space are further complicated by anonymity. How do you know the person thru the computer screen, are who, and what, they say they are? How do tell when someone is being honest?  How do you know, when you, yourself, are being honest about who, and what, you are?

Chances are good that people on the internet are fibbing about something. Perhaps hoping that whatever it is they’re fibbing about, just might, someday, one day, will indeed be true. Y/you might find Y/yourself suddenly becoming younger, richer, skinner… but then again Y/you might not. Maybe Y/you are who Y/you are.

Hummm… interesting… I think I may have found the topic of My first article.  A Kink dating manual, what a wonderful idea. Could be a fun topic.

Humping It.

It’s a hump day. In the military, when you’re on a long hike with heavy load on your back, they say you’re humping it out.

Today is all about humping it out. I’ve got two years of financial information that need getting together and filling. My monthly budget to attend to. I’m in the process of ending My smoking habit. Doing some personal behavior modification. Yesterday I was down to three cigarettes. Today, none so far.

I’m back to a semi-normal workout schedule. Yoga three times a week. Walking everyday. An hour of mild free weights. I’m looking forward to getting back into the shape I was in, before breaking My arm.

School start’s for Owl this week, this was her first day.

I’m not in school, will not be going back until spring. Just too much going on.

The Kink Project official website is close to completion. I’ve been working on lots of content sorts of things. The gifting list. Products, mostly fine art prints, posters, and cards. I’d like to have an article or two posted before we’re live. I also have My resume to put together. In essence up to My eyeballs in stuff that needs completion by the end of the month. I’ve been looking to delegate some of this stuff out, but the reality is I’m the one who needs to get the site done.

I put up an add on collarme, thinking of taking it back down. To much email to work thru. And after a week and a half, I’ve got My lifestyle plate full. The only thing I have time for right now is Pro Domme sessions. Collarme doesn’t seem the place for that. Perhaps… We’ll have to see. All about the right tools for the right job.

On that note, I’m going to see to other responsibilities… till next time, stay well.

Going Live

So… for those of you who don’t know… A couple of years ago I bought a domain name. The site was going to be playground, much like My blog. It was to be a place for Me to explore My life, My kink, My connection to the rest of human kind. I envisioned a wonderland of art, philosophical conversation, academic discourse, an experiment and a place of expression. I wanted to create an art piece, made of our most modern medium, the internet. A strategic series of 0’s and 1’s.

In a few short weeks W/we should see the realization of those daydreams: The Kink Project is soon to go live.

I’m thrilled.

As for the rest of My life… Things are continuing to get convoluted. I’ve got a lot on My plate, and don’t really have long to write. So I’ll keep it simple… doing some slave training, a few photo shoots, playing more frequently. And am playing a great deal with D/s. Many insights as of late…

I’d like to thank everyone for being so supportive. Helping Me realize My dreams. I couldn’t do this without you. Thank you.

Where the Road Goes.

Owl has just flown away to visit her grandparents for the next three days.

And other than meeting an old friend of mine for dinner this evening, My weekend is yawning wide and empty of plans. Which means I’ll be fumbling around for something to keep Me busy. Ick. It’s moments like these I almost wished I worked a normal job or were back in school.

But perhaps I can spend a little more time walking the dog. Or working in the garden. There’s the basement to get cleaned out and rearranged. Another quilting project to work on. My website that I could start putting together media for. Perhaps a neighbor or two I can help out with some random project. Maybe make phone calls to the family…

If you couldn’t tell I feel a little at a loss…

Just gotten a call from My friend, will be leaving in a few minutes to go pick him up from the truck stop. He’s a trucker, like My mother. Interesting life, trucking. Not one I’d pick for myself.

The strange mood of this morning is starting to pass.

Dream-hangover, I think. You know, when your dreams of the night before bleed over into the daylight hours, coloring reality? Had a little of that going on, but fading.

Pins and Needles.

I’ve had a wonderful past few days. I finished up the latest quilting project. Finally.

I’ve also had a chance to hang out with My apprentice, cottontail. s/he is wonderful. Learning, growing, and I got to run needles on her/him. I haven’t spent much time writing about cottontail because so far there isn’t much to report. Cottontail is a friend of a friend who approached Me, and requested instruction. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with him/her but when I do, it’s nice.

Needle Play is something I enjoy and don’t have the opportunity to do very often. There’s a quality about it that… well… I like getting under someone’s skin. Pushing through to the inside.

The western philosophy historically looks at bloodletting as bleeding the bad humors out, while the eastern believes it’s about letting energy penetrate, from the outside in. I tend to approach needles as a way of letting the light in. Letting Me in. Pretty heady stuff.

Be Flowered.

I’ve been be flowered and loving it.