I had an interesting phone conversation yesterday evening, it’s gotten Me thinking. Admittedly not difficult to do. There’s an out of town Dominant looking for a sub. A friend of mine thought I’d be interested so I gave Him a call. I learned, or rather realized a number of things:

1. Every Top has their own style, and sometimes these styles clash. In a few short minutes it was easy to ascertain that His school of thought and My own don’t mix. His style of D/s: domination is all about ‘saving’ weak, stupid, helpless, needy little sex sluts. Make them drink cum, have sex with anyone you tell her to, be naked when ever speaking to Him, call Him daddy, lots and lots of humiliation. My style of domination: submissives are strong, beautiful, capable, willing, able, and have wants and desires equal to My own. Submission takes strength, and will, and self determination. It’s a gift of the highest order. A submissive needs to know their limitations, barring that they need to be able to say No, and more importantly have it be heard and listened to.

My style doesn’t mix with His.

2. I was an extremely good submissive at one point, and perhaps I still am. But only in very specific situations with a few select people. He isn’t going to be one of them. Doms like Him scare Me because I think there’s an underlying rage toward women. I don’t think it’s a safe situation. And I don’t agree that I ‘need to be saved’, that I’m lost without being properly dominated. In point of fact I hate the whole needing to be ‘saved’ bit. Gets My hackles up. Given I’m prideful, too noble for My own good at times, but still and all if salvation is all submission has to offer I think I’ll pass.

3. I’m not sure I’ll ‘really’ ever be a submissive again. Perhaps I’ve spent too much time being My own ruler and master. Perhaps I find more satisfaction in being dominant. Most dominants don’t take the time to know me well enough to direct me in ways that are healthy for me. This realization greaves me as I once found so much solace and peace in submission, but again everything changes right? Could be I’ll meet that special someone… but I doubt it.

4. His type of domination is not a turn on for Me. In fact it’s highly unpleasant. Perhaps I’m just not into humiliation.

Line ’em Up.

The sun is barely touching the horizon. Stars still glowing in the sky. Birds are awake and cheerfully singing. I wonder… What the hell am I doing up so early?

Made Myself some eggs over-easy, and a piece of toast. My dog ate the last few bites and eagerly licked the plate clean. Now for some tea, earl grey w/milk and sugar. Got to have My morning cup of tea. Strong like coffee. It’s a sad morning if I’ve run out of tea the day before.

In five hours I meet with the lending lady. We’re going to take stock, see exactly what I can afford. No point in expanding if it’s just going to fall flat. Owl is going to go with Me. She may catch information I don’t, she’ll feel more involved, (lately she feels as though she’s not involved enough. The thing about involvement is that it requires participation), and, best of all, I won’t have to repeat the whole thing for her. Good good.

Annie, the orphan, My dog, is sleeping. Tummy happy. I felt a little prick of envy to see her so contentedly napping. Bagh.

I’ve an old friend, Jessica Rabbit, who’s going to be working on the website. She’s wonderful and I’m looking forward to working with her. Hard to believe after so many years of working toward this I’m finally experiencing fruition. I just hope I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew.

With all this technical stuff it’s been difficult to focus on writing about kink. I hope you all will forgive Me. And don’t fret I’ll be writing about it frequently soon enough. Just need to get everything in place. All My ducks in a row.

What to do on a Sunday.

Only the Lonely.

I’m feeling an odd moment of loneliness. Alone doesn’t have to be lonely. But sometimes it is. I always get a little frustrated with myself when this happens. As if I should have some control over it. And I get a little scared cause I don’t know if the feeling is going to grow into bleak glomming light of hope shriveling. Instead of just the random bought of alienation. Alienation is less painful than hopelessness

It’s evening. Windy. Temperamental.

I had to sedate My dog. She’s scared of the thunder, and fireworks. Unfortunately She’s been hearing a lot of both. The last week in a half She’s barely left Her hideout under the bathroom sink. She lays there panting and shivering. Poor dear. Better to be sedated so she can relax through the storm.

She has My empathy.

Good thing too because the vet bill was impressive. Oh well, like most things money ebbs and flows. Organic in the way of all symbols.

I’m not getting enough sleep. Stress. Making a great many leaps of faith as of late. Hard on the system.

In an anthropology I was given the formula for LIFE = Reproduction + Growth + Maintenance. Both Owl and I have been doing a whole lot of growing, and We’ve been working hard at maintaining. The only thing left is reproducing. We’ve grown so much that maintenance has become strained. Not quite to the breaking point, but it’s time to find a bigger place. I need to do a pro’s and con’s list: buy the duplex vs. finding a house. I have an appointment on Tues. to go see a lender. I’ll let you know what happens.

Keeping Affairs In Order.

Question for the day: How do I manage to keep My affairs in order? I’ve been so busy creating, and working, that I’m having difficulty keeping up with My Self. What’s a girl to do? A girl… not much. A Wyman however… that might be the ticket. What would Wymen do? Why delegate, of course.

Time to call in the reinforcements. What good is your support network if you don’t utilize it on occasion. Right?

Okay I have My assistant, I have a companion, I have Owl, 007, Mr. R. Knightly, bubba… the list goes on. The bottom line is I have some big guns in My arsenal. Lots of talented and intelligent individuals. Totally sweet dude. The thing is I’ve got to delegate more responsibilities to others. I need to ask for help. To remain humble.

Flexible, but focused.

I want to cover all My bases. 😉

My agenda is packed, and I’m having daily business meetings. Figuring out My resources vs. risk vs. possible gain. Heavy equation. But I also adapt and overcome. Adaptation is key. And the lock is social/political/eithical legitimacy. How do I make Myself legitimate? In other words how do I make this REAL. Working on it. I don’t want to miss an important peace.

I need to spend some time with strategy. Need to live in reality, too. A fine and nice line to walk… a low center of gravity would be helpful.

Knowing the Ropes.

Just a few pictures to give you an idea what’s happening with the rope. With the help of 007 I was able to order 2,000 feet of organic hemp rope from the UK. Why hemp rope? It’s the tradition rope used for shibari and other forms of rope bondage. It’s also incredibly strong and durable, 6-mm will hold up to 500 pounds. Darned awesome. Plus the drag rate burn of the rope is fairly low, meaning it takes a greater speed of drag across the skin before it burns. The knots stay where you need them and they don’t tighten down as much as other types of rope might. The more the rope gets used, the softer it gets. For these reasons and more I started making My own set of rope.

Right now 007 and I are working on the dying process. W/we have five or six colors coming in next week. And I’ll put up more pictures as I finish up each batch.

The Garden.

God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle…

… doesn’t mean God that gives you trials and tribulations, and that you never receive more than you’re poor little heart and spirit can take. Rather it means that until you start attending to life’s details, until you start maintaining and managing your affairs, household, finances… you name it… the Universe will never give you more.

You have to take care of what you already have, before abundance makes an appearance. In large part, I try to live in this way.

Meeting this personal challenge has been somewhat… well… challenging. Especially as I’ve had a HUGE in flux of abundance. From money to relationships, from the garden to various art projects, from The Kink Project to school, good things are happening and I can barely keep up.

For what ever reason I’ve been awake by dawn each day, and once awake I’m kept moving from one task to the next. Yesterday I was up at four-thirty and didn’t finish up My day till eleven at night. I did however get an 80 min deep-tissue massage, (I fell asleep within the first ten minutes). It feels great to push the limits of what I know my Self to be capable of. Sort of reminds Me of being back in the military. All the Self discipline.

So you may have noticed a few changes being made to The Kink Project. I’ve owned the domain name for two years and it’s just now getting up and running. Been trying to get my blog routed through the domain but I’ve been running into a few problems here and there. They’ll work themselves out in time so till then… I’d love to get feedback, if any of you have suggestions, or the inclination, please contact Me.

Six-thirty am now. Goodness. What’s up with this no sleeping thing? I kind of like it though. It’s so quite in the early morning. Peaceful. Peaceful enough for Me to get some writing done. Speaking of writing, this entry is going to be a bit of a flush. I need to get My thoughts moving, need some clear thinking, I’ll be bouncing all over the place, lots of different topics, a kind of free write if you will. Bear with Me.

First of all,

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room.

-Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit.

Good question. What is REAL?

Thanks gents.

and My best regards,

Miss Grey.