Love inc.

Oh my… what an incredible ride the past few months have been! I’ve missed my blog. And hopefully I’ve been missed as well. School has kept me at a full trot. If ever I’m having a rough day, hoofing it across campus, I just remind myself that at least I’m not dressed up like a pony girl/grrl. I smile.

So what am I learning, you ask.

All sorts of good things: violence and non-violence, sex and gender, current propaganda and its uses. I’m in love with education/learning, though I often can’t decide if my brain is growing or melting. So much information to take in. Everything is so intertwined and tangled. And my views are so unique that it’s hard to frame my questions in such as way as to have what I’m asking understood. If that makes any sense.

It’s pre-spring time. The hardest and bleakest season for me. My emotions get a bit wacky. I have to take a lighter school load because I am so easily overcome. Overwhelmed. I kind of resent how spring hobbles me. It’s challenging just to make it to class. I count it a victory when I do.

Why this time of year, you ask.

Good question. Lots of reasons, from the scientific to the mundane and meaningless. The short answer, it just is. Like the seasons, it can be counted on every year. Like the seasons, each year differs from last, but similar in the ways that matter. This time of year is about grieving.

A season of Grief. I’m in mourning. Every year brings a different reason to mourn. It’s a time of letting things go. This year is no different I’m afraid.

This year brought trouble with Lover: dishonesty coupled with some medical ramifications for me.

I’m still trying to process. For such a small thing it certainly hit me like… I have no idea what to compare it to. Breaking my arm again would have been preferable. I feel broken. Having one more pill to take on top of the three other medications I have to take daily… not easy.

I’m really angry to be honest. Resentful.

Not all is gloom and doom. Life continues, as it does, with its joys in spite of its sorrows. Owl is in college now, despite no high-school graduation and no GED. Such an enterprising young women, my lil sis is. I’m proud of her. She’s exercising her strength, discovering and uncovering her Self, a little a time.

We wander around the house with the same half-pained, ‘unsure if the brain is melting or growing… surely there’s a bit of gray matter dripping out my ear’, look on our face.

I, like Misery, love company.