Needled.

Above is the last two months of needle work.

Off With Your Head.

Time to write. Haven’t done so in a while. Here’s the challenge I’ve run into: I have readers. And now that I have readers… well writers block has set in.

I had a praying mantis pay Me a visit and I think I know how to work through this little issue.

What does the praying mantis have to do with anything? I’ll tell you.

As you probably know praying mantises are amazing predators, very adept and deadly. The female particularly so. You may also know the mating habits of these insects. It may not surprise you to know that the male is occasionally eaten, head first, mid coatis.

It was once thought that this cannibalistic practice took place in all mantis populations. However, it’s been found to be more likely in captive populations, than wild. So this vicious behavior is likely a matter of the female reducing future competition for her offspring.

But I digress… The interesting point is that the male, after losing his head, not only continues to sexually perform, he also performs better.

In other words: no head getting in the way of the body = great sex and highly effective reproduction.

It’s a metaphor for what’s happening to The Kink Project and My writing.

I feel like I’m being held in the cage of readers. Both Spectators and Participants. Accomplices and Bystanders, the bars. Being trapped I need to reproduce effectively, successfully, efficiently. I need to produce narrative. My narrative, and kink discourse.

I thought the solution to My problem had a lot to do with My head getting in the way of the writing, but the mantis and her captive mating behavior is the answer.

It’s not My head I need to be rid of.

It’s yours.

I’m the female here after all. I’m the one reproducing. Not you, the reader.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

My will be done. And fuck your head.

This is not to say I don’t want feed back from My readers. Please, I love feedback.

Let’s carry the metaphor a little farther. Your interactions with Me… including feedback… are the sperm you provide Me. It’s the seeds of future produce.

But I can’t let your head get in the way of things.

So if My writing makes your brain ache, (or any other part of you for that matter), you’ll understand why. It’s okay baby, trust Me. The hurt will fade.

There She Blows.

It’s a cold and rainy hump-day. I’ve just cut all the tomatoes from the vine. Turned on the furnace for the first time this year. And I’m trying to find some indoor activities to work on.

The trip I planned for this weekend isn’t happening, so I’ve four days of nothing ahead of Me. I’m sure I’ll fill the time. I always do… but for the record, these down days are hard on Me. I feel like I aught to be doing… something.

I’ve some laundry in the wash… there are a few things I could clean up around the house…

I suppose what I need to do is slow down a little and take inventory. Do an internal temperature check. Find out what’s going down on the inside. I don’t really want to. Don’t really want to do much of anything. It’s that stupid ‘should’ dialogue. I should work on this… I should do that…

Baugh, I say.

Pay the Piper.

To say it’s been a busy week, would do it no justice.

It’s been crazy making.

I went to Las Vegas last weekend. Watched a show, and did a little shopping… there was an interesting time had… due mostly, I’m sure, to My deeply held ambivalence toward the place.

I dislike spending time there. I come back wanting things. As if My desires grew by what they fed on. Las Vegas is a dry ocean of gluttony. Glittering, lights the night with false promise. Precocious Vegas tempts you to believe consumption will sate you. When really you’re just dying for a glass of water, that won’t cost you ten dollars.

After returning, I spent most of the week working with cottontail, aka scratch. Locked him into a cb3000. I’ve been wearing the keys around My neck all week. Playing with them, whenever My mind wanders. scratch has been keeping a video blog of his experience thru the whole chastity process.

Perhaps I should spend a little time speaking of chastity. It’s a delightful way of training male submissives. There’s something very primal about it. Owning someone’s cock so completely. It’s as though I’m holding a part of their soul. A man’s cock is taken advantage of, for the most part. Like any other appendage, until it’s lost. And for men it’s a huge loss.

Men own their genitals in a way that women don’t. Women don’t have the same relationship with their pussies. Taking away a woman’s pussy simply doesn’t have the emotional and mental impact that taking away a man’s cock does. I think there are a number of different theories for this phenomenon. None of which I’m going to explore.

I would like to address the reevaluation that comes with abstaining from sexual contact. There’s this measuring of what’s left when you take sex out of the equation. Removing that option has an opening effect, which, at the same time, is caused by being extremely limited. It’s that strange tension bondage will bring about. Being at once free and yet so completely confined.

The key holder becomes central to all thought processes. A constant observer. Both the angel, and devil, which sit on our shoulders. Or as Dory would say, “are you my conscious?” When I hold the key, it’s as though My hand is wrapped around his sex. Carried by him throughout the day. By night, confining him.

I think that’s hot. Great tease and denial.

It’s Alive!

Saturday afternoon. I’ve just gotten back from commissioning some floggers from a local artist. I can’t begin to tell you how excited it makes Me. I was able to pick out the wood for the handles, and their design. The leathers, and their colors. The falls, and the sensations they will create. Ummm Yummy. These floggers will be perfectly balanced, its aim accurate, and best of all, Mine. Been wanting them for years. Nothing like a good flogger.

I’ve also gotten a new piece of equipment from a fellow kinkster. A lovely little tens unit with pads, vaginal, anal, and egg probes. Shocking.

And fun to play with. Blue Knight volunteered to help Me figure it all out. I put the electrical pads on the right and left sides at the base of his cock. I had him present his ass for the anal probe. Then I turned on the unit and started to slowly increase the voltage. his eyes fluttered. his breath caught. Such a fun toy! I’m looking forward to using it on others. I did try the unit on Myself first. New toys should be tested before experimenting on others. It’s important to know what sensations you are producing for others. Basic safety measures, and all that.

Speaking of electricity… It’s Alive!

The Kink Project… though not complete, is alive. It can be found at www.thekinkproject.com. *Cackling like some crazed scientist*.  I feel completely elated. It’s alive at last. Seven years of accumulated effort. At last!

A moment of silence… echoing leftover lightning…

Now what?

Flesh out the content.

Discover what type of monster I’ve created.

What It Is.

I’ve doing some thinking about The Kink Project this morning. Questions keep coming up. One in particular has Me sweating: What is the purpose of the Kink Project? The reason this question is such a difficult one is that I don’t really see the end result of the Project. I can’t visualize the effect this site will have on others. I don’t know how valuable others will find this place.

For Me, the Project, is a personal playground. It’s a Discourse. A narrative about kink. The accumulation of My life’s experiences. If I have any hope for this endeavor, it’s that others will relate to the things presented here. I hope to move people. The Kink Project is My way of sharing. The internet; My medium for communication.

I’m an artist and this virtual space is My canvas.

Hurry Up. And Wait.

Waiting for a client to arrive. Although W/we touched base earlier this afternoon he’s still about ten minutes late, which makes Me wonder… is he going to show. Am I a naughty professor for naught?

My dog is looking at Me longingly, her tail tentively wagging every time I look at her, beseeching with those puppy eyes, ‘please take Me for another walk’. And maybe I will but not in this corset and heels.

Twenty minutes late.

Sigh… this will be the fourth no show in as many days. To say I’m a little tired of lack of follow thru… sigh.

So what will I do with the rest of My day? Bake some zucchini bread. Do some quilting. Finish cleaning the kitchen. Get a hold of Mr. R. Knightly. Perhaps he’ll come over tonight and keep Me company while I bake.

A half an hour late.

I hate it when they don’t call to let Me know when plans change. It’s a waste of My time. And greats on My militaristic views on being late, let alone not showing. Perhaps the only thing I find more irritating is when someone texts to cancel plans, twenty minutes after they were to have arrived. Take the time to call.

All right, forty minutes late. Guess that’s that. Now what?

Called Mr. R. Knightly. He’s on his way over. Gave him some of My writing from a few years back. I’m curious to find out what he thinks of it. It will be a most enlightening conversation.

It’s a scorching day out there, he’s likely to be hot when he gets here.

I can’t wait.

Focus, Focus, Focus.

I’m listening to the dry scuttle of dead leaves being blown down the street. Wondering if summer is over already, then I realized with a shock, it’s almost September. Late summer, school’s in session. People are settling back into their work schedule after months of vacations, and family events. Those with money left over from our economic crunch that is.

I’m pondering life. The nature of relationships. The importance of context. The makeup and character of wealth… Not so much thinking. Just mulling over associations as they bubble up.

Had some random daydream about locking a man in a chastity device. A montage of images of him trying, and failing, to get himself free. Left a devilish grin on My face. A nice pick Me up, on saggy day.

I’ve been putting together My gifting list for the Project. It’s been amazingly difficult to sit down and focus on it. Some internal protest at receiving gifts? Or, just overwhelmed with what seems like an endless list of tasks? Perhaps if I redirect My attention for a bit, take a break from focusing on the list, everything might start flowing.

I haven’t had a houseboy for the past few days. I’ve had to attend to My own house cleaning. I realized how important doing these everyday maintenance things are, keeps Me tuned in to what’s going on around Me. There’s time to notice that the kitchen needs deep cleaning. It means I’ve become a little lax. Slack and sloppy.

I think one of the big mistakes that Doms make is to stop doing maintenance for themselves. Turning tasks over completely alienates us, keeps us from being aware of what our submissive is doing for us on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s simple to make assumptions about how our submissives time is spent. We fail to notice the time and energy expended for our sake.

It’s easy to lose one’s edge, becoming blunt without ever noticing.

Until the submissive leaves you that is. Then you can’t find your socks anymore. And where, oh where, did all the batteries go? The schedule falls apart. And you’re simultaneously left with too much free time, and not enough time at all.

The trick, I think, is not to mindlessly plug in the first thing that comes along. Though it’s tempting to patch the hole in your life as best you can, with what ever happens to be on hand. Instead take a little bit of time to reattach yourself to your life.

Start with the daily maintenance. Go back to the basics. Take time to get to know yourself, remember who you were pre-submissive. Remember all the good times with your submissive. Then take stock of who you are, post-submissive. Because trust Me on this one, you’ll have changed more than you realize.

Take a break between submissives. Make sure you’re not just feeding an addiction. All submissives are not created equal, trying to force them into being the right size plug for your life, so you can float merrily along, is only setting both of you up for failure. Try a little hardship on for a while; do for yourself for a change.

You’ll go into the next D/s relationship with a fresh eye. You’ll have opportunities to do things differently than before. You’ll know what worked in your last relationship and improve on those methods. You’ll be less likely to take advantage of your submissive. And more likely see the submissive as the wonderfully unique individual they are. Moreover, your expectations will be met with a higher level of success.

Having articulated all that… I’m going to go clean the kitchen.

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3.

Have you ever caught yourself testing a relationship?

For example: in Secretary, (the movie) there’s a lovely moment when Lee Hallowy, in a moment of genius and ingenuity, sends an earthworm to E. Edward Grey. It was also in that moment she did something so provocative and clear, so as to be very sure her message would be heard, and perhaps more importantly to be reacted to.

We all act out from time to time. We send worms. We drop off the face of the earth. Drop off the radar. Or start leaving the toilet seat up intentionally. Some times it’s playful and taken that way; and other times, the natural and logical consequences of our behavior are not so pleasant. Sometimes we want certain types of relationships and don’t know how to ask for it. To ask that things change in one-way, or another. Perhaps you know you’re ready to take life to the next level, but don’t have the means of expressing your self.

If you desire to be someone’s submissive: how do you go about presenting your interest to the potential Dominant? Do you just slip into the role, and hope they get the message? Do you write them a letter to tell them you’re ready? Do you get a peacock tail, and dance around the house, clockwise, until the Dominant notices something’s up?

I mean… really. What do you do?

It’s a mess, and this is only if you happen to be lucky enough to know a lifestyle Dominant.

Consider for a moment: the mess if you don’t know anyone? The mess if you decide to use the Internet, sites like alt and collarme, to place a personal add, and/or answer the adds of others?

And there, again, the challenge; how to present yourself. Do you immediately act subservient or Dominant? Giving titles, when you don’t know how the other person would prefer to be addressed?

Things in cyber space are further complicated by anonymity. How do you know the person thru the computer screen, are who, and what, they say they are? How do tell when someone is being honest?  How do you know, when you, yourself, are being honest about who, and what, you are?

Chances are good that people on the internet are fibbing about something. Perhaps hoping that whatever it is they’re fibbing about, just might, someday, one day, will indeed be true. Y/you might find Y/yourself suddenly becoming younger, richer, skinner… but then again Y/you might not. Maybe Y/you are who Y/you are.

Hummm… interesting… I think I may have found the topic of My first article.  A Kink dating manual, what a wonderful idea. Could be a fun topic.

Humping It.

It’s a hump day. In the military, when you’re on a long hike with heavy load on your back, they say you’re humping it out.

Today is all about humping it out. I’ve got two years of financial information that need getting together and filling. My monthly budget to attend to. I’m in the process of ending My smoking habit. Doing some personal behavior modification. Yesterday I was down to three cigarettes. Today, none so far.

I’m back to a semi-normal workout schedule. Yoga three times a week. Walking everyday. An hour of mild free weights. I’m looking forward to getting back into the shape I was in, before breaking My arm.

School start’s for Owl this week, this was her first day.

I’m not in school, will not be going back until spring. Just too much going on.

The Kink Project official website is close to completion. I’ve been working on lots of content sorts of things. The gifting list. Products, mostly fine art prints, posters, and cards. I’d like to have an article or two posted before we’re live. I also have My resume to put together. In essence up to My eyeballs in stuff that needs completion by the end of the month. I’ve been looking to delegate some of this stuff out, but the reality is I’m the one who needs to get the site done.

I put up an add on collarme, thinking of taking it back down. To much email to work thru. And after a week and a half, I’ve got My lifestyle plate full. The only thing I have time for right now is Pro Domme sessions. Collarme doesn’t seem the place for that. Perhaps… We’ll have to see. All about the right tools for the right job.

On that note, I’m going to see to other responsibilities… till next time, stay well.